Blonde Joke Page

Story Form
There were two blondes as roommates and they both bought mice. When they got home the first blonde said how are we going to tell them apart? The second blonde said why don't we take one and chop off one of its legs?
But during the night the mouse with four legs said to the mouse with three legs, "That's not fair -- I want three legs too." So the mouse with three legs told him to eat one of its legs. And so he did.
The next morning the blondes were upset about this so they did the same thing as the day before. But again the mouse with three legs ate one of his legs.
This went on until both mice had no tails and legs. Then one of the blondes shouted, "ALL RIGHT. THAT'S IT, YOU TAKE THE BLACK ONE AND I'LL TAKE THE WHITE ONE."

A young blonde was on vacation in the depths of Louisiana. She wanted a pair of genuine alligator shoes in the worst way, but was very reluctant to pay the high prices the local vendors were asking.
After becoming very frustrated with the "no haggle" attitude of one of the shopkeepers, the blonde shouted, "Maybe I'll just go out and catch my own alligator so I can get a pair of shoes at a reasonable price!" The shopkeeper said, "By all means, be my guest. Maybe you'll luck out and catch yourself a big one!" Determined, the blonde turned and headed for the swamps, set on catching herself an alligator.
Later in the day, the shopkeeper is driving home when he spots the young woman standing waist deep in the water, shotgun in hand. Just then, he sees a huge nine-foot alligator swimming quickly toward her. She takes aim, kills the creature and with a great deal of effort hauls it on to the swamp bank. Laying nearby were several more of the dead creatures. The shopkeeper watches in amazement. Just then the blonde flips the alligator on its back, and frustrated, shouts out, "Damn, this one isn't wearing any shoes either!"

One day a blonde goes up to a soda machine. She puts in some money and a soda comes out. She gets
really excited and started to put more money into the machine. The more and more she did it, the
more the sodas came out. Someone walked up to her and asked her if they could get a soda.
The blonde said, 'Get out of my face, I'm winning!

A blonde's house was on fire. She called 911 and said, 'my house is on fire.' The man on the
phone said, 'Well can you tell me how we get there.' She said, 'Duhhh... in the big red trucks!'

A brunette who really hated blondes was walking through the desert when she came across a magic
lamp. After rubbing the lamp the genie told her that she got three wishes with one catch: All the
blondes in the world would get twice whatever she asked for. So the brunette thought a while and
then wished for a million dollars. 'Every blonde in the world will get two million.'
The brunette said that was fine and then she asked for an incredibly handsome man.
'Every blonde in the world will get two incredibly handsome men. 'The brunette said that was fine too and the genie granted her wishes. 'Now for your third wish.' said the genie. 'See that stick over there?', asked the brunette,
'I want you to beat me half to death with it.'

A blonde goes to the doctor because she isn't feeling well. The doctor examines her and says to her, 'I have examined you and I know what is wrong with you, your pregnant! 'Her response 'are you sure it's mine?'

A Blonde was down on her luck. In order to raise some money, she decided to kidnap a kid and hold him for ransom. She went to the playground, grabbed a kid, took him behind a tree, and told him, "I've kidnapped you."
She then wrote a note saying, "I've kidnapped your kid. Tomorrow morning put ,000 in a paper bag
and put it under the pecan tree next to the slide on the north side of the playground. Signed, A Blonde". The Blonde then pinned the note to the kid's shirt and sent him home to show it to his parents. The next morning the Blonde checked, and sure enough, a paper bag was sitting beneath the pecan tree. The Blonde opened up the bag and found the ,000with a note that said, "How could you do this to a fellow Blonde?"

A brunette, a redhead, and a blonde had just robbed a bank and they were trying to escape from the cops. They ran down an alley and saw three huge potato sacks. They hopped inside just in time, and the cops didn't see them. Puzzled, the cops looked at the bags suspiciously. One cop kicked the brunette's bag, she meowed, and the cop thought nothing of it. He then kicked the redhead's bag, she made a clanking noise with her shoes, and the cop thought it was just some garbage. Then he moved on to the blonde's bag. He kicked it and she said "Potatoes!"

One day a blonde, redhead, and a brunette were driving through the desert when all of a sudden their car broke down. They decided they would all walk to civilization. The redhead said, "I'm going to take water so if I get thirsty I can drink it." Then the brunette said, "I'm going to take some food so if I get hungry I can eat." And then the blonde said "I'm going to take the car door, so if I get hot, I can roll the window down!"

A blonde walks into a hair salon to get her haircut wearing headphones. The stylist asks her to take off her headphones but the blonde refuses. So the stylist takes them off and the blonde collapses to the ground and dies. The stylist picks up the headphones and hears, "Breathe in, breathe out. Breathe in, breathe out..."

A brunette, a blonde, and a redhead were standing in a line before a firing squad. The commander says, "READY, AIM" and the brunette yells "TORNADO!" All the people turned around and looked and the brunette ran away.
Next, it's the redhead's turn. The commander says, "READY, AIM" and the redhead yells "HURRICANE!" Once again all the people turn around to look for the hurricane and the redhead runs away.
Finally, it's the blonde's turn. The commander says, "READY, AIM" and the blonde yells "FIRE!" and gets shot.

On a flight from New York to Paris, soon after take-off the pilot announces: "I'm sorry, but we have lost one of our engines. Subsequently, we will arrive in Paris approximately half an hour late."
A few minutes later, he comes on again:
"Hate to disappoint you folks, but another engine is down. Don't panic - we've still got two going, but now we'll be about 2 hours late."
After another few minutes, he comes on again:
"Look, I am really sorry about this, but somehow we have lost our third engine. Still nothing serious to worry about, but we will be about five hours late to Paris."
After hearing this, the blonde turns to the guy sitting next to him and remarks,
"If we lose the other one, we'll be up here all night."

A redhead, a brunette and a blonde all escape from a prison together. They run into the nearby woods and all climb up seperate trees. When the police find the redhead’s tree and ask who is up there, the redhead chirps like a bird. Then the police go to the brunette's tree. When they ask who is up there, the brunette makes chipmunk noises. Finally, when the police go to the blonde's tree and ask who is up there, the blonde goes, "MOOOOOOOOOO.”

There was a blonde who suspected that her husband was having an affair, so she went to the pawn shop and traded her watch for a handgun. When she came home her husband was in bed with a redhead so she held the gun to her own head. The husband was pleading and begging her not to kill herself so she said, "Shut up, you're next."

Two blondes are walking down the countryside, when they come across these tracks.
One blonde says, 'Those are rabbit tracks.'
The other blonde says, 'NO! Those are deer tracks!'
They were still arguing 10 minutes later when the train hit them.

Two blondes are sitting at a table and one of the blondes takes out a compact, opens it and says, "Hey, this person looks just like me."Then the other blonde takes it and says, "You idiot! That's me!"

A Brunette, a Redhead, and a Blonde escape a burning building by climbing to the roof. Firemen are on the street below, holding a blanket for them to jump into.
The firemen yell to the Brunette, "Jump! Jump! It's your only chance to survive!" The Brunette jumps and SWISH! The firemen yank the blanket away... the Brunette slams into the sidewalk like a tomato.
"C'mon! Jump! You gotta jump!" say the firemen to the Redhead.
"Oh no! You're gonna pull the blanket away!" says the Redhead.
"No! It's Brunettes we can't stand! We're OK with Redheads!"
"OK" says the Redhead, and she jumps. SWISH! The firemen yank the blanket away, and the lady is flattened on the pavement like a pancake.
Finally, the Blonde steps to the edge of the roof. Again, the firemen yell "Jump! You have to jump!"
"No way! You're just gonna pull the blanket away!" yelled the Blonde.
"No! Really! You have to jump! We won't pull the blanket away!"
"Look," the Blonde says. "Nothing you say is gonna convince me that you're not gonna pull the blanket away! So what I want you to do is put the blanket down, and back away from it...."